Notes on Being Direct, April 9th

I went out around noon to talk to a few girls at the mall.

The first one was beautiful. I opened by asking about what there is to do in Salt Lake City on a weekend. She didn't have much information. Turns out she's a dancer for the Jazz. She was friendly but broke it off pretty fast.

The good:
1. I opened strong.
2. I wasn't intimidated by her looks.

To work on:
1. The energy during the day is very quiet. It doesn't have the intensity that night does. I need to be aware of that.
2. I didn't fully engage. I held back, and what I did invest didn't have enough energy to hold her long. My internal presence wasn't calm and solid. I need to practice staying grounded at all times.
3. I broke the ice with a practical question that is based on a lie: I know what there is to do around here, so why would I ask about it? My (weak) intent didn't match my words, so there wasn't anything clear she could be attracted to.

I approached another girl using the same line, but it went about as badly as the first.

I approached a stunning girl in Starbuck's and complimented her on her style. She smiled, and was friendly, but I wasn't centered at all. My nervous system let me know by dumping adrenaline into my system. I can do the approach, but I gotta be more grounded.

I need to center myself, as part of my daily practice.

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On a different subject, I want to change my approach to money.

I wonder if you could think about money the way you think about style?

The most effective part of the style course was identifying my Archetype. I've coached a few people on the idea of Archetypes around style, and it has changed their approach to shopping, almost over-night.

There might be abstract ways to think about money that would make it easier to manage.

As you know I'm Rugged. I have an addiction to the edge.

The oilfields and that kind of work are very attractive, for that reason.

I don't know how to make all of this work, but I think that there is a way to think about money that is in alignment with those aspects of myself.

The way I think about it now puts my savings account on a roller coaster. If I try to force myself to make life safer by saving money, I inevitably sabotage myself.

So, instead of thinking about it as a buffer to experiencing life, start thinking of it as a lifeline. If I have a lifeline, I can dive into some crazy chaos with more confidence, than if I don't have it.

Other than saving, I'm not sure how to act on this idea. But it feels more authentic than trying to make life safer.

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Finally, there is a practice that might help me.

In "Not Nice" by Aziz Gazipura, he suggests connecting with your shadow by writing down every hateful, angry, violent thought you might have.

There are aspects of your mind that can be very useful, or destructive depending on how you manage them. If I need to stop being passive-aggressive, be more confident with women, and start living with more risk, I may need to engage in the "socially unacceptable" parts of myself.

I want to use my aggression to get what I want, but I can't just let it lose. I need to engage with it and give it the respect it deserves. I need to give it a healthy outlet.