Notes on Being Direct April 24th

I talked to one of the girls working at Deseret book today. The conversation flowed like none of my other approaches ever have. She had work to do and didn't seem to care. Sometimes I've wondered what "connection" is supposed to feel like. Talking to her was definitely a new benchmark for the experience.

I think it was because she was LDS. My identity for most of my life was Mormon. Fundamentalist Mormon, but still Mormon.

I have never found an alternative. 

I have a tribe. It informs the way I act. I am at my most authentic when I am talking to LDS girls. I don't have to pretend. I can be myself.

I had another conversation today with a guy at a bar. 

The contrast was huge. I was using every canned story and detail I could muster to keep it going. I've learned that it isn't always my fault that a conversation sucks, but I couldn't help but compare the two.

One was completely natural and comfortable. The other was forced and frustrating.

One other thing: I had my regular workout right before I went out. I definitely improved my presence when talking to the girl. I doubt it would have gone that well otherwise.

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I think I've mentioned that I'm working through some plans right now. I'm systematically going through my life and organizing it. Health is the first thing on the list. But I am going to add money to that very soon.

Your comment about the middle-class mindset has had me thinking for a while now. 

One of the things I loved about working in TX was the physical part. Not the exertion, exactly; it's not like it was great exercise or anything. But that tasks were clear: Unload a truck, hook up a trailer, fill up a bucket. 

It was always clear what needed to be done, and I loved that.

I need that.

As I'm cleaning up my life, I notice that I have one means of cash flow that has to be divided among expenses. 

I can do things to reduce some expenses. I can increase others for things that I care about. What I can't do is add to the list of things that bring money in. 

I spent some time last year learning about copywriting. I think what defeated me was the lack of clarity. It all felt like guesswork. I know that copywriting has the potential to make a decent amount of money, but I'd rather run a fork-lift.

So, I'm giving it some thought. As I'm organizing my life, I know I want to control where my money goes. But I also want to control where it comes from (and how much it is). And I'm not sure yet what that looks like.